Some of these I hadn’t heard before but they’re actually pretty funny. Enjoy!
“MS. THOMPSON, it said in heavy block letters, PLEASE KEEP YOUR FELINE OFF MY PROPERTY. IF I SEE IT AGAIN, I WILL EAT IT.”
“Women are the bloodthirsty sex, said Ric sadly. We get the reputation, but it is only because the women stand behind us, and say, ‘Kill it. Squish it.”
“Sometimes I have the urge to conquer large parts of Europe.”
“Love thy enemies, it says in the scriptures. My foster mother always added, “At the very least, you will be polite to them.”
“Stefan: “Indian with a dot, not a feather.”
“A man says a lot of things in summer he doesn’t mean in winter.”
“He was obviously dead. But since he was a vampire that wasn’t as hopless a thing as it might have been.”
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